12.26
I was in Adams little while ago and when I walked by the deli, I saw something I’d never seen before. It was horrific, revolting, and disturbing. It was turkey pastrami. I looked at it for a while, not able to believe what I had just read. Turkey. Pastrami. No matter how many times I ran the two words through my mind, they just didn’t go together. Clearly, this was the doing of the health nazis. Why the hell would anyone buy turkey pastrami? It’s as counter-productive as a lunch meat can be. While you’re at it, why don’t you buy a ticket to Houston on a flightless airplane, install a sink with no faucet/drain, and purchase an issue of Forbes Magazine for masturbation purposes.
Turkey pastrami is yet another example of modern day food vendors giving in to pressure from the health nazis. I’ve seen similar things happen with chicken sausage and turkey burgers being sold in stores as well as with salads being sold as parts of value meals at fast food restaurants. Disguising health food as something palatable isn’t going to make your dining experience more enjoyable. It’s just going to make you slowly forget the good memories you have of your favorite fattening foods until they’re reduced to just a former shell of their once great stature, much like watching any post-1999 episode of the Simpsons will do for a die hard fan of the show.
Somtimes people give me shit for eating pastrami on Italian bread instead of rye bread. Don’t eat your sandwiches on rye bread just because it’s the cool deli thing to do. If you like rye bread, go ahead and use it, but if you don’t just stick with the bread you’re comfortable with. Never be ashamed of who you are, unless you’re that asshole in Hamden who once threw a jolly rancher at me. That’s not really germane to the topic at hand, but I figured I’d throw it in.
Getting back to my point, turkey pastrami is something that just plain should not exist. I actually bought an 1/8lb of it to see if it was as bad as I thought it would be and it was worse. I’m actually glad I didn’t enjoy it though, because if I did that might have been grounds for suicide. The next time you’re at a grocery store, give the health nazis a big Fuck You by buying a pound of mortadella and a slab of bacon and mixing the 2 together, topping it off with a six pack of Milwaukee’s Best. Milwaukee’s Best may be cheap, but it gets the job done.
On another irrelevant yet worth mentioning note, the girl in front of me in line at the deli counter in Adams had a pretty nice ass.
My mom has told me that Adams is looking up. I was surprised. What did they used to be called?
You would love the Julefrokost that we put together. Something like 10 courses of meat, fish and bread with all sorts of artery clogging toppings and shots of akvavit. I’ll let you know when I get the photos back!