01.07
In looking at the analytics for my site, it seems that a good amount of the hits I get come from people who search for “depressing facts”, “depressing facts about life”, “depressing things”, or “depressing life”. With this knowledge in mind, I’ve decided to give my readers what they want and serve up another list of reasons why we envy the comatose.
1. I couldn’t come up with a better topic for this post
2. Gas prices are once again on the rise
3. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show barely contains any visible lingerie anymore
4. One can’t go to a grocery store without seeing those John and Kate assholes on the cover of every magazine.
5. “Balloon Dad” wasn’t castrated.
6. Taco Del Mar may not be coming to Connecticut after all.
7. Whoever writes “Eat This, Not That” is still employed
8. Charter Oak Health Insurance is increasing its monthly premiums by more than 20%
9. McDonald’s said they will not bring back the McDLT, ever.
10. 33% of people aged 18-34 are now living with their parents. That means 1 in 3 people are now as pathetic as me (at least in one aspect) and that’s just disturbing.
11. Barack Obama doesn’t like bowling.
12. Depressing fact #10 was grammatically incorrect. I should have said “as pathetic as I am” rather than “as pathetic as me”. Despite the fact that I went through the effort to point that out, I’m still too lazy to change it.
13. Restaurants never sell half sour pickles anymore. It’s always the kosher dill bullshit now.
14. Home Improvement is now on TV Land. Home Improvement is NOT a classic television show. I’d rather watch 5 hours of senior citizens getting catheterized than 5 minutes of Home Improvement.
15. You can’t get a gmail account without giving google your mobile phone number. Fuck you google. Fuck you hard.
16. Without google I wouldn’t have made this post since I’m dependent on those assholes for my website analytics.
17. There aren’t any Rax locations near any airport accessible to me.
18. People are still donating to Quinnipiac University.
19. I can’t find the commercial for Jello when it was first put into single serving cups on youtube.
20. Cool-whip isn’t really completely dairy-free. It contains a small amount of a protein derived from milk.
21. I haven’t done shit to get the preservethe80s store going yet.
This list is actually more funny than depressing.
I was looking for some depressing facts to mock emo people. But thanks for the laughs.