Preserve the 80s

Many of you may not know who Slappy White is, but let me assure you that after Watson Nuhn, he is the greatest comedian of all time. While he may not be all that relevant to the 80s, he still deserves a song and a shout. He does have a page on Wikipedia, but the admins on there took down the quote section, which was the best part. One can’t help but both pity and hate Wikipedia administrators. They’re the only people on Earth more pathetic than I am. They just sit around all day with their thumbs up their asses nitpicking and undoing other people’s contributions. Enough about them though, they have no place in a Slappy White tribute. Without any further ado, I will now post Mr White’s greatest quotes.

“… and so the black man said to God… Lord why is my skin this dark?” “… and the Lord replied My Son, it is so that the intense sun in Africa will not burn you” “… and then he said Lord, why is my head covered with large mass of kinky hair?” “… and the Lord replied My Son that is so that the mosquitoes and other insects in Africa cannot bite your head” “… so this Black dude says … Then God, why am I in Detroit?”

“I went into a new barbershop in my neighborhood and told the brother, “Give me that Afro look”. Well, I fell asleep in the chair. And when I woke up, I had a bone in my booty.”

“I’ve heard people call mayonnaise all kinds of different things. The white folks like to call it “mayo” and black folks call it “slopple slather”. Let’s just agree to disagree and call it NAISE!”

“One morning I went into a diner for breakfast and ordered some pancakes. The waitress asked me if I wanted Jiffy Mix pancakes or Bisquick pancakes. I said ‘I’m black fool! I want the Jiffy Mix!’”

“Once on an island there was a strawberry, and apple, and an orange. They saw a genie and the genie said that each one could have a wish granted. The apple wished to get off the island, the orange wished for a new car, and the strawberry wished for some damn booty!”

“Hey you with the pompadour! Down in front!”

“You know back in the 40s, a brother couldn’t always get into a classy strip joint. Sometimes, we just had to peel our bananas and throw pennies at them!”

“You know what? There’s an owl outside my house that hoots all night. An owl! I ain’t been gettin’ any sleep for days. Tomorrow night I’m going to moon it. I bet it won’t hoot no more!”

“Wake up, go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep, that’s the daily grind!”

“What I like about blue jeans… is the fact that they’re simple. You put them on, you take them off, put ‘em back on. There’s not room for much confusion!”

“Three things I can’t live without – jail, bail, and ginger ale!”